Do I need to justify?

Every morning I tell myself that I lead a semi-retired life. I do not have to send children to school nor leave for work at nine in the morning. These little thoughts help me relax. Of course over two of cups of tea, I read six newspapers including the magazine editions that they carry, before I leave for work.

Today I read Namrata Zakaria's article on staying slim. She admits how everyone around her comments on her being thin." Being slim does not mean you are sick or anorexic, "she says. Yes, it is un-nerving when those around you start chasing your weight. We have all gone through that uncomfortable feeling while growing up but as adults it is embarrassing. Specially coming from people you barely know.

Recently, one of the most awkward questions I have encountered is "at your age how do you stay trim? I could be at a wedding, at a friend's place or a formal get-together, the barbs continue. And often my inquisitive audience goes into a clucking session, "very well maintained ...must be spending a lot of time in the gym.. must be dieting". The answers come without me getting in a word.

Now, do I need to respond to these! I did earlier, looking unsure because my doctor still thinks I need to lose more weight. "Being a diabetic it is important to protect your organs and weight can cause havoc on your system", repeats my diabetoligist each time I visit him.

After two babies my waistline did increase by four inches and weight went up from a mere 48kg to 72 kg. For a five feet, four and half inches tall person it showed in all places. I stayed like that for a long time till I turned 40+ and was thrown into an exercise regime by my daughter. More to keep her happy and less for myself I fell into it quietly. It is easy to lose inches, do away with water retention but that is only one part of fitness. The most important I feel is keeping stress levels low.

When in my early 50's I was detected with diabetes, I was in for a rude shock. I had done everything right so how did I get into this. But frankly had I really? A sweet tooth that runs in the family added to the stress of being an entrepreneur's wife, was my undoing. Mid-night meals of chocolates, Indian sweets, pasties is what led to my ailment. It is two years now and after giving up sugar, my diet has changed completely. It has helped me lose the extra pounds gradually. Proper meals and regular exercise is what has resulted in this trim look.

As Zakaria says in her article, they criticize Aishwarya Rai for being fat after delivery, and compare her with Lara who is back in form within two months of giving birth to her baby. The whole conversation is about weight loss. Yet, thin women are looked at with suspicion.

I wonder, whether I am thin or fat. Do I really need to justify my weight to all and sundry..

Musing to find a muse

Does every writer need a muse?

It was Shovana Nararayan's ballet "The Poet's Muse" that made me realize that even Tagore needed a muse to become a prolific writer.

The performance by Shovana and her team of dancers was wonderful but the story of Tagore and Kadambari, his elder brother's young wife is what got me thinking. As the story goes, both were only a few years apart and Kadambari was very fond of poetry and literature. She edited every piece that Tagore wrote while her husband was desperately working away to bring out a newspaper. It was her loneliness, or perhaps her thirst for literature that brought out the best in Tagore. Yet, it is surprising that she never wrote herself. Perhaps, she too needed a muse.

When Sonali, my elder one was around I wrote so often. There were so many little incidences. Either she was arguing, lecturing me or fighting with her sister, Shubhi. In short she gave me lots to write about. It was an exciting and interesting phase in my life.

Then my muse flew off to America but surprisingly, Shubhi and my niece, Tuks continued providing me with masala . The former was an interesting subject, totally disorganised, lacking in any kind of normal perfection. For a mother it was discomforting to observe her, however i could have written a blog on her every day.
Tuks was another interesting subject. A gentle and kind person. You can put her in any situation and she will come out a winner. Her positivity made me look at her cousins differently and that too helped my writing.

Shubhi went off to Upenn, Tuks got married in Bombay and Sonali and her cat, Noami, live in New York. I now talk to Shubhi's answering machine and Tuks regales me with her stories from Mumbai.

Surprisingly, Sonali and i have started chatting again and we have a lot to share. She adores her dad, calls him Cute, ofcourse I have not told her that i have nicknamed him Mr. Fuse. She has Noami and her ailments and I have Mischief my dog's endless trips to the vet to discuss. She finds it difficult to leave NY because her cat suffers from separation anxiety and I am stuck in Delhi fearing Mischief might succumb to some infection. I call it the fear of the unknown but finally my pet does keep me engaged and I owe him this much.

At the end of the day, I find it difficult to accept but I might have to manage with a "no muse" situation in my life.